I have some pretty strong beliefs when it comes to parenting after a divorce or parenting as a single OR remarried parent. First of all the only way on earth you can co parent successfully is to drop ALL of your freaking resentments of the past. It no longer matters WHY you got a divorce, why you are not with the other biological parent, or even if you like them at all. Do you love your child? Do you think your child loves their other parent? (If you answered no there you are dead wrong..) Do you want to live miserably and fight over every single thing for the next 18+ years? Do you not think your child KNOWS you argue over them? (If you answered no.. your again dead wrong kids not only know but they get more than we give them credit for..) How do you think the way you are acting models for your child's future as sadly the statistics say that our kids follow the same paths we do and do you want your child to have to live like this as an adult?
are still not friends. My second marriage (to the boy's father) was a whirlwind... we had a very strong attraction to each other but almost from the beginning there was no real affection. I got pregnant with Connor as an oops well before we married and I really strongly believe we only married because of him. We had a lot in common but we just couldn't get it together and I don't think either one of us was really ever happy. I could tell you stories of the bad things that happened in our marriage and I could tell you stories to make him look like the bad guy and I could tell you stories that would make me look like the bad guy... but in all honestly we were both really pretty awful to each other those last few years. We both tried to make it work, but never at the same time, and we both loved our kids and both felt it was wrong to divorce. With all that said when Connor was three years old sitting in the back seat of my car he said to me "Mommy, if you want to divorce daddy it would be totally ok with me. You deserve to be with someone who will love and kiss you like I do.. and Daddy deserves to be happy too..". See.. Kids GET IT.. I rarely if ever fought with my ex anywhere near my kids, but we also never showed each other any sort of affection in front of the kids. When we decided to call it quits we were both very hurt and very angry but we pulled it together and sat down and decided collectively that we would talk it out, decide what we wanted to do, and never again throw any of it in the others face again. And strangely enough we did just that... after years of being married and rarely even talking we sat down like adults talked it out and we decided all that matters was from here on out we would be good parents together. So far almost a year later we have held to that bargain and I hope we keep that relationship forever because our kids DESERVE it.