Sunday, June 28, 2015

Maybe it's time to make a change.

I know I quit you guys cold turkey. The last few years have had so many ups and downs I just couldn't continue. Not the way I was going. This blog started out as a way to find my voice when I first found myself a mother rather unexpectedly... except I felt this overwhelming pressure to conform. Why? I honestly have no clue! In the end I just started feeling like a machine. There are only so many words in this world to write and I literally felt I had used them all up.

I've always tried to keep the tone on all my blogs as purely professional which always seemed to me as being so in genuine. In all reality I'm snarky, I'm sarcastic, I have a bit of a warped sense of humor and I'm not always as upbeat as my posts made it seem. In the end between some personal issues I had in my life and this overwhelming feeling of being vanilla I just couldn't continue. In the end I let a bunch of my sponsors down as I promised that I could never find the words for and in the end I spent literally months staring at a blank blog entry with nothing to write. If you write outside your own "voice" there comes a time when you literally feel like you have written the same thing over and over again and it all tends to run together.

I want to start again.. I'm not so sure if it will be with this blog or another one but without question this time it will be fully authentic. The last few years have been joyful watching my boys grow but as well being some of the most trying years of my life. I've lived what feels like an entire lifetime in the last five years. I met one of my biggest life goals by starting my own horse farm. I reconnected with friends who I thought were long gone and lost some friends who turned out to be just in it for whatever they could get.  I've learned there are just some things you cannot fix no matter how hard you try. I've gone from being very outgoing to a bit of a recluse. I honestly think this change is for the better.

I still have so much to learn! Writing has always been a way for me to work whats going on in my head and I started this blog purely to reach out to other people who felt the same way. I really want to go back to that and I want all of you to join me. Can we start again?

(The photo included is Connor's "Batman" mask he made out of tinfoil. It seemed appropriate for this post.)

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